if you say something that bothers me ill remember it for the next 5 million years
That I don’t need no man.
I’m just typing random nonsense now so I don’t have to study.
I lay here in the cold, where I feel as if all my air may leave my lungs. Each breath I take is so precious to me because every time I let it out my heart beats. It beats in a way that is so scary and yet so invigorating at the same time. My hands are turning into icicles each second without the warmth of another person. I feel as if my entire being shall turn into ice soon if some sort of heater is not turned on in my heart. It is almost 1:00am and my gears are still turning. I cannot sleep until I get this off my chest. I am so terrified. Don’t fail me now heart, because I’m finally putting myself out there and not in a physical way. I am not confident, I am not independent, and I am definitely not that much of a strong woman. But I am trying, I really am. When my heart stopped beating two years ago, I tried to start it up again with physical force. Maybe if I had physical relationships with different people my heart would race again and I would know how to love. Maybe if someone pleasured my physically I would fill this gaping hole in my heart. Obviously it didn’t. And now I’m sitting here in this winter cold realizing my heart is finally warm. I’m filled with love from what my friends have given me and what they are making me feel. I am filled with this feeling that I have no felt in so many years. And I know it’s silly to say, but the one who instilled this into me was him. He changed my mind without even trying and that is truly a powerful thing. I never wanted to get close to anyone again and settled for someone I knew would love me no matter what I did to them. Then the semester started and I saw him. After being heartbroken for so long I never thought someone would make me blush. The warmth spread from my fingertips up to my face and all around my body. He made me laugh, and he made me feel alive. Alive in ways that my engagement at the time was dead. But me being stupid me decided against it, decided against getting closer because I knew I would get hurt in the end and I went for second best. All that did was dig my pit even deeper to the point where I couldn’t even reach the ladder to get me out of this mess. God I wished I just told him sooner, maybe it would have mattered more. Maybe if I had not worn this mask of this powerful women who doesn’t need a man and instead shown my true colors. That I’m scared and lonely and all I ever want is too feel. To really feel something. And I am, I am feeling something and I am so immensely happy that it should be illegal. He makes me happy and I wish to spread this happiness so far and wide that he could maybe, possibly feel it too. Which is funny because with the facts layered in I shouldn’t be happy at all.
I’m super cold right now.
I tortured souls just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
why is our fandom like this
Because season 9
YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER? SCHOOL, WORK, FUTURE, YOUR FUCKING SELF? DON’T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT, IN TIME YOU WILL. AT THE MOMENT YOU MAY NOT BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE AND THAT’S OKAY. MAKE PEACE WITH IT SO YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD. YOU ARE STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT AND YOU HAVE SO MANY OTHER QUALITIES THAT WILL GET YOU THROUGH THIS. YOU’RE FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU DESERVE THIS!